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Do you struggle well?

January 15, 2018

Sick and vulnerable. Did not cry for attention. Just accepting the one is coming towards me. I feel guilty about receiving. Its unbelievable… I was crying for men to accept me the way I was, no .. actually I would do about anything to be the way they wanted me to be so they would want me… that didn’t work out well. One divorce and many disappointments later… I am being myself as much as I can verbalize to the extent that I even know how or who myself is…. And the reality is… they keep coming back… even if I tell them I don’t want them or that I do want them only part time…

Such a funny little big thing this acceptance (as much or as little possible)… ‘cause when you accept yourself, the others will follow suit…

So even if i kinda made C tell me its over, he keeps calling and wanting to be there for me, to take me off to exotic countries … pffff.. there were times when I was mopping over a guy wanting to be with me for a couple of hours at least…. (Yes, I was that lame, go ahead and judge me, I did too).

My head is itching probably from the working out daily sweat, and I can’t.. actually I don’t want to get up and wash my hair. Nor do I want to take out the trash or bring my groceries from the car. You know, the normal daily life. 

My lips are dry, my longs are sore, and my whole body is fighting a cold and a cough. I dread colds. They make me feel so vulnerable and depressed and really blue and mean at times. I did exaggerate this weekend, not with the cultural outings or working out stuff, those are good for my body and soul. But with staying up late, going out to clubs, getting outside for a cigarette in my sandals and only with a fur over my lace, skin showing tops. Lots of wine and food late at night. (And I didn’t even had a great time, but who is noticing that?)

I am drowning my thirst with tons of tea, and I am hoping an overdose of vitamin C and homeopathic medicine will keep this cold within normal limits…. Meaning I get to still do my workouts, read, go out for casual dinners… 

If you really want to, you can have a blast while having the horrible flu. Your body can take anything, its your mind who needs to be convinced.

The congestion in your chest is much more pleasant if you drink your hot pepper tea while reading a really good book, cuddled in a warm blanket with a dehumidifier next to your bed. You know the one that tickles your nose with eucalyptus scent and makes a purring, peaceful sound.The inhalation of a strong steam with other healing essential oils good for your lungs it’s a great excuse to use those face serums that you never got around to, since your face is all steamed up. And if you cant bear the really hot tubs with salt water, count outloud from 50 to one while you rotate your eyes clock wise and counter clock wise. Not only you will take off your mind the unbearable heat, but I can guarantee a burst of laugh. And while you really sweating off all that cold, you get to wear 3 outfits in less than a half an hour. 

So, you get to catch up on your reading, have a beauty face treatment, laugh and change outfits… an entire spa day, how do you get better than a cold???

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