MindSoul Does your sadness sounds like this?

28 January 2019

I just love writing on my new laptop. Until I will get used to this as well, and I start taking it for granted and then it wont be such a big thing anymore.

As I was writing this I thought … yeah the same with the relationship. Meaning, maybe I took it for granted..

For some reason, I am still resistant to talk about this relationship that is ending or its ended already, maybe.

What I do instead is I keep my attention on a dating app by talking way to much to strangers. Even I realise its something weird here and its exaggerated and not cool, but that’s exactly what I can do about it.

It probably hurts to much to go and explore what is there so I am letting some time pass by while filling the void with superficial stuff. At least I know it, I am aware of it.

So maybe its a good idea to keep checking on this issue constantly and regularly until I can finally open up and self talk and express what emotions are there. What I have lost, what have I learned. 

My mind is wandering already talking about this subject, so its clear to me I am not ready yet.

Moving on.

I took a break from this schedule I made from my self. I was afraid I wasn’t go be able to go back on track, I felt a bit resentful of reading or meditating, but to my surprise…. I am back on track and much more efficient.

I am so boring reporting stuff instead of talking with emotion. Instead of creating an experience for the reader and even for myself. 

Do I not feel anything that I can not express it writing…?

As a matter of fact.. I feel a bit pressured to leave early so I can go to the gym, to stop writing so I can meditate, to mark as checked the things I have to do.

Maybe, for the next month I should and I will make a column with for just being instead of doing.

I am afraid I am getting old and I haven’t made it yet. I don’t even have a clear picture of what making it means to me. I feel my skin is sagging, my body is loosing firmness and my face is getting wrinkled. 

And the sad part is … I realise… I identify with my physical body and I think I need it for certain things in life: relationship, job.

So sad. How can I change this in  my head?

 

Află idei pe care să le pui in practică ușor astfel încât să fii un pic mai bine decât ieri