I have such a craving… for myself.
Yes, I spend a lot of time reflecting, thinking and observing myself.. and yet these last past days enforcing these new habits of working out, reading, writing every single day… I sometimes get a brief glimpse of what the new me might be… following through, being committed, persevering even though my body aches and my mind is rebelling and just wants to wine and complain. I have the old cravings of getting attention from men when I am bored or tired, I am still tempted to engage my old behavior of just calling the available guy to hang out or launch myself in a story I know it wont last..
But I do #resist and quite well to my surprise.. this is the glimpse I am so curious to discover more of… because… its not as hard to resist these old cravings and patterns… somehow it kinda goes by itself.
I am trying to recall how did I make this happen for future reference.. it started with me being really miserable, not enjoying my kids and my life, feeling I am wasting my self on really ordinary and mediocre routine.
I was actually patient with myself, kind and loving .. allowing first to relax and rest my body. Teach your body to relax and soon the mind will follow. Then I took out the distractors, like dating and other meaningless encounters..
I isolated myself again, reading up and watching biographies. I remember I realized I am missing information, that I need to add to my circle of thoughts fresh ideas and inspiration from other people who were going through the same thing.
I played with my brain using coaching techniques and here I am … to this point where its quite easy to follow through the activities and new habits to help myself and other grow and create ways of celebrating each other and our world.
I also planned and anticipated these moments of boredom, resistance and falling off track. So when these moments hit, they dont really take me by surprise… I ride them until they are gone…and then I start over. Its all good for now, I am on my path.
I was watching this movie where she knows she will die in a week and how this realization changes her perceptions, her values… shifts her entire behavior.
If tomorrow you know you will die.. how is your today gonna be??