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Mirror mirror on the wall…

February 14, 2019

I read somewhere ‘i will get over it, I just have to be dramatic first’.

That is so me. Funny but so true. 

I broke up with him because … well a few reasons, that’s not why I am here now… 

The decision was mine, basically I wont settle for less and I wont stay with someone just for the benefits. If it aint right, I walk. But I still crave for him to call or write… to insist. I guess I need to hear myself say why I don’t want it anymore, but to say it with an audience -with him?

Do I have to be dramatic first? And then move on?

Do I doubt myself and my decision?

I also read you shouldn’t look or find the One but its more about cultivate the One. This is so true.

But what can you absolutely not live with?

I cant stand it when someone is complaining or criticising me or asking more of myself.

Good… it just hit me!!!! I cant stand it — its such an emotional charge to this… and I know better than that… I cant stand it because this is what I do!!!! : I complain and I criticize and I ask a lot from myself and from the others. Including of my kids, I am killing their dad with my criticism…

I know the rules to change this: first I became aware it. I understand where I learnt to do this. This is not mine. I am replacing it with I am grateful for myself and the others, accepting what is without wining or complaining and honoring myself and others for exactly what I am and what they are. Not demanding more. Knowing it will take a while to change this. I have to remind myself over and over again every time I catch myself doing it. The trick is to become aware in real time.

 

How do I remember this? whenever I am emotionally charged about something that someone is doing… it is actually me that is doing that very thing. And I don’t like doing it, but I am not aware I am doing it. Thats why I am bothered by it.

Going to exercise.

I like this writing thing. 

Oana Voda
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