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Motherhood moments

January 20, 2018

I have no clue how to be a mom. I had no idea how it will be to have kids. Did you?

We are so ignorant when we decide to get married and have kids. So brainwashed. Everybody is doing it. The question didn’t even arise in my head. I was so determined to get married and have kids that I never paused and asked myself what will it take after. Or if this is what I really want as oppose to this is what everybody else is doing.

Happily ever after. Such an attractive promise. No indications on how to. No idea what will be. 

Like sheep we follow the herd. 12 years later the question did I really want kids has no point or purpose.. I have 2 of them and I can send them back. Would I have chosen differently knowing what will it take..? especially being a part time mother, not having the emotional support of a partner dad..?

I have no clue. Nor do I think its relevant or useful to ask myself this question. Do you ever ask yourself this question?

Can I see the benefits, how it changed me, how I grew and evolve? I certainly can. Just the amount of patience I had today in the midst of a physical fight. 

The amount of planning and mental rehearsal for these incidents to decrease. 

The creativity to invent things to do with them so I can keep their minds and days busy learning and growing beautifully.

Do I feel the hurt, the disappointment and the helplessness as I feel overwhelmed? Oh, God do I feel all of those… you do too, right?

Do I have a choice? I could never ever give up on this role of motherhood even if its part time.. I do have a choice and I choose to play this role.

I like winning, so I want to get even better playing this game of motherhood.

What do I need? Patience, lots and lots of it, oceans of patience. Humor, planning, the ability to grow and be flexible and learn how to adapt to each age, love love love love and infinite ways to express it, to be it, to surround them, to immerse myself in it. Understanding, sympathizing, coaching. 

What do I need to get good at this? Mental rehearsing, anticipating, planning ahead, and patience to stay in the whirlwind. And humor. Within myself, because sometimes when I express it, they take it the wrong way.

Well, this is it.. teenage years are here… all the hormones and misunderstood emotions are coming. They cant do better, that’s why they have a mother. 

Research on how to deal with 2 growing teenagers. Which I ll do right now.

Oana Voda
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