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Spanking myself (verbally)

February 25, 2019

Why do I have to keep acknowledging the tiredness?

Ok, I got up at 5,50 am, ok, my eyes are tired, I am more hungry and more impatient and moody. Why do I have to keep remembering this?

So I perpetuate it ..?

So stupid.🤦🏻‍♀️

How do I change this? Its my reaction to it, my raw reaction which is asleep, I just feel the effects of it: I didn’t sleep much, so I am tired, I cant do much, I am not functional, I just want the day to pass so I can have a good night sleep. These are my thoughts around it. 

There is the expectation that I need to feel great every day. That I HAVE to be happy and content every day. And I didn’t know the in between feelings: mellow, calm, serene, present, focused, concentrated, challenged…. I only validate the really highs and really lows. 

So yes, today I am not particularly high nor am I particularly low… just saying this makes me crave exercising with weights and loud music. 

And yes, if I keep repeating myself that I am tired… my body eventually gets the message and I do get tired. And of course in this state I dread the idea of moving my body.

So a good way to talk to myself is ‘yes, I am not 100 percent today and this is life. You cant have an erection on your penis every minute of the day, you wouldn’t be able to pee or the adrenaline and the excitement will tire you more. How the fuck did I choose this comparison? A penis?? Really?? I don’t have a penis. I act like I do sometimes.

Today I decided and committed for life to myself in terms of value and appreciation. I felt it and I feel it. I am amazing to myself and for myself. I cant even handle myself at times. I am a lot. 

Oana Voda
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